Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Scars and all

When she first became aware of her own existence, she was so tiny and fragile.  She was completely dependent upon her Growers to care for her.  She would never have survived on her own, in the wild.  She wasn't created with that streak of independence that would have allowed her the freedom to be alone.  She was too weak.

So, as she continued to grow, she waited for whatever her destiny would be.  Contented and Patient.

Once she was fully grown, with only a few tiny scars within her rings, she caught the eye of a new caretaker and off she went.  Unfortunately, this new caretaker wasn't capable of providing the nourishment needed for her to flourish and grow properly.  She barely survived this dark time and in the end, she found herself returning to her Growers in order to recover from the wounds she suffered at his hands. 

Eventually, she felt strong again, though the scars she now carried were larger and deeper, they still weren't that easy to see.  Unless she chose to show them.

She was different than before.  She shied away when others looked her way for too long.  She was frightened of the damage they could do if she opened herself to them.  She subtly curled up her branches and turned down her leaves, giving the appearance of sickness so they would seek out something better for their gardens. 

Again, she waited for her destiny to find her.  Resigned and Weary.

And then, a new caretaker arrived.  He wouldn't move on as the others had done and even asked to see her scars.  She finally showed him and he tenderly touched them and he awakened her heart.  He cared for her as she sat in her Growers' garden and he was gentle and sincere and she finally stretched out her branches and spread her leaves wide.  For him, she let the sunshine fill her and she was elated.  Once again, she arrived in a new garden.

Her joy knew no bounds and as the years passed, her roots grew deeper within his garden's soil.  But things change.  Her caretaker became too busy with the care of other gardens.  He no longer had time to care for her as well.  He would stop by and water her and feed her but he never stayed with her anymore. 

She was different than before.  Her branches drooped tiredly from the weight of her foliage and she could no longer hide her old scars, they were grooved too deeply into her bark.  The newer scars leaving their own trails of damage along her trunk, a trunk whose ability to heal was declining each day.  She new her scars wouldn't diminish as they used to, leaving only a shadow of what they were.  Those scars would just have to remain there for everyone to see.

She was different than before.  She could take sustenance from the earth, she could absorb life from the sun, she could drink water though her outstretched roots and she could survive even the most severe of elements.  She was older, wiser, stronger than before. 

But still, she waited.  Mourning the loss of something that was never really there.  She grieved and her anger churned.  The caretaker didn't notice.  He had other gardens to tend and didn't see the weeds growing in hers. 

And she waited...until she stopped.  She realized she didn't want to wait on destiny to find her.  The fleeting pain of ripping up her roots and re-planting herself in a garden of her own creation would be better than the never-ending pain of indifference and unacknowledged injury that she was feeling now.

So she made a decision.  She would seek the freedom she had once feared so much.  She would be her own caretaker.  She would live in the wild and she would flourish, unleashed and unbound, on her own...scars and all.


  1. Love this story. Reminds me of me when I finaly ended my marriage and went on my own with the boys...scars and all. :)

  2. @ Julianna...and what beautiful scars they are.

  3. so many people forget that they can take care of themselves and probably even do a better job of it because they know what their own needs are.
    if this is about you & your own life, i'm glad you've found the strength to do what needed to be done. hang in there. your roots will be strong yet again.

  4. Lovely story and lesson for life...I love all the things you wrote about scars.

  5. Nari, this is such an interesting read. I actually needed to keep my browser open on this for the longest times as I kept coming back to it. I loved it.

    Oddly it reminded me of so many things (the book I'm currently reading influenced me to see the survival of The Hunger Games) but also this workshop I took part in on personal growth where we were asked to imagine a rosebush, and then this rosebush we imagined became ourselves, I cried and cried not wanting to be the ignored bush I pictured, but scars do shape us in beauty more than we could ever imagine!

    Good post!

    p.s. sorry if I whacked out your stats...

    ツ my cyber house rules

  6. @ Sherilin...It's definitely better to take care of yourself. This isn't about me right now but it was me not too long ago.

    @ Shopgirl...Thanks, I hope someday we learn to love our scars more than our perfections.

    @ Nikki...Thank you. Your opinion means a lot to me since I very much covet your writing skills. ** also, you can whack my stats anytime.

  7. YOU covet MY writing skills? Shit girl... your short stories are the shizzle man! If you lived here where I live I would so convince you to take a writing workshop with me... then we'd have cocktails, then we'd giggle forever about all the stuff that well, all the stuff people giggle about when they have cocktails after going to a writing workshop! See? See how I need you near me???

    p.s. is it me or did you re-decorate your digs?

    ツ my cyber house rules

  8. @ Nikki...I would LOVE going to a writing workshop with you. The giggling cocktails sound even better! I'll start packing right now. ** I did, in fact, re-decorate in my own little feeble way. Thanks for noticing.