1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
|Somebody has to clean it up. I am completely misunderstood and my efforts continually go unappreciated.|
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
|But it is MY sofa|
|Oh but he is and I WILL be keeping my eyes on you, Trashy!|
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
|I thought it was mine. How was I supposed to know? Look at how they dress me.|
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
9. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
|Unless of course it itches and then all bets are off.|
10. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
11. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
|But it is a very VERY funny thing.|
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
|Talk about emasculating! It's a wonder I'm as well behaved as I am.|