Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Post-Thanksgiving Hangover

Having overeaten and busted any diet plans I may or may not have had prior to the holiday season, I can't help but feel a little down in the dumps. 

On top of the usual depression, my husband battled a horrific bout of food poisoning (gotta love that age old tradition of stuffing a turkey with breadcrumbs, letting it soak up all of those turkey fluids and then serving and eating said breadcrumbs...great tradition). 

I arrived back from California with a shivering, weakened hubby, one healthy daughter, and another daughter with a fever of 101.9.  We were worn out, grumpy and pretty sick of each other.  Family road trips tend to do that to us.

Once we were settled in, I received a call from my Mom that her heater was out and she's been freezing for the past few days waiting for us to get back to town.  She said she didn't want to call the repairman because he's Hispanic so she would rather my husband, who is also Hispanic, call him.  (Just so you know, the repairman speaks English just fine but my Mom feels that he would prefer to speak Spanish...this from my Thai mother, who has a heavy accent herself but is offended when people want to speak to her in Thai)  Needless to say, my husband called the repairman and drove across town (45 min.) so he could talk to the guy while he fixed my Mom's heater.

My daughter has been home sick for the last two days.  Most of the time, my 17 yr old daughter is nowhere to be found, even when she's home, it's like she's invisible.  But not now.  Oh no!  Now that she's a living breathing receptacle for viruses and infestations...she wants to cuddle.  I have tried to avoid her advances, while trying not to hurt her feelings (quite the balancing my fellow victims of harassment are aware).  However, despite all my valiant efforts, I AM SICK.

Ever the dependable employee, I'm here at the office, sneezing and coughing all over the clients and ready to pass out over my keyboard.  But I am here.  I don't want to be at home tending to a sick hubby and child anyway because I am ever the dependable wife and mother as well.  ( least I play one on this Blog) ;D

I want to escape it all and go hide under a rock until the Holidays are over because with all of these lovely events occurring within my happy home, I still have this weekend to contend with.  What happens this weekend, you ask?  It is the thing I dread more than anything...Christmas Shopping Hell!

That's right folks.  Battling traffic, running reconnaissance missions to obtain a decent parking space (one that doesn't require you to walk 3 blocks and risk being mugged for your Christmas goodies), dealing with other grumpy shoppers and their greedy little children (who are also little viral receptacles at this time of year), and then there's the problem of finding the right gifts for everyone before the other shopper gets it. 

I see her, casually walking by the panty drawer at Pink.  Acting as if she's just browsing.  You're not gonna get one over on me, Lady.  I need ALL of the size 4 boyshorts in that drawer.  I've got two giant Christmas stockings to stuff for two very petite and picky teenagers, dammit.  That b!tch better move the hell away from there...Oh...uh...Hi Mom...I didn't recognize you.  I don't know what you're talking about.  I wasn't glaring at you and no...that was not a taser I was pulling out of my purse, that was my cell phone.  Maybe you should sit down.  I think these crowds might be getting to you a little.

I will get though this.  I WILL get through this.  Maybe I should just shop on-line...of course, then I have to watch out for all of those identity thieves out there in the cyberworld.  But I'll be ready, taser...uh, I mean cell phone in hand.

Good luck my fellow shoppers but remember: Stay Out Of My Way :)


  1. If there was ever a better use for a taser - I mean cell phone - than making shopping easier, I simply can't think of one.

  2. @ Vinny... finally...someone who undertsands my pain...we should go shopping

  3. I have banned myself from any kind of shopping on Thanksgiving weekend. Black Friday? Oh no, not for SpudChick. Nope. I'm pretty sure that if I attempted to enter that kind of retail chaos and mayhem, I would very quickly be cowering in a corner, curled up in a fetal position, rocking back & forth, and muttering to myself repeatedly.

  4. eek.....scary!!! good luck with your shopping...and I hope you and your family have fully recovered...take care

  5. @ Spud... self-banishment, a novel idea. I might give it a try. If you ever do end up in that corner, call me. With my trusty, cell phone I will save you

    @ Caterpillar... very scary, indeed. It is after all my own personal shopping hell. Thanks for the well wishes and here's hoping for a Happy Holiday season to you and yours.

  6. Oh, how I would love to have a taser! I'd get into so much trouble.

    I liked this post. The bit about your mom and the repair man made me laugh. And the bit about your sick teenage daughter that only appears when she's sick and needs cuddling....exactly like my 18 year old sister.

    Nicely done.

  7. @ otherwordly... I have a spare if you're interested, it's always good to have a shopping buddy to watch your six