My breath catching...my stomach fluttering...my pulse racing

At first...the innocence of connection...

 And then...the anticipation...the urgency...the uncertainty...I remember it...

My breath catching...my stomach fluttering...my pulse racing...I can feel it.

When it began, my emotions were so sharp; my mind so clouded.  Hope and fear resided in my heart, keeping rhythm. 

As time passes, the clouds clear and the intensity dulls a little.  Strangely, I find that hope and fear still rhythmically pulse within my chest...

...Some things just don't change

I like the way I feel now.  It's easier to contain.  It's real.   But sometimes, I miss that overwhelming swirl of...love?...lust?...maybe both.

I do know I can sometimes find the echo of those feelings when I look into his eyes.  I think that's where my hope stems from...

...but the fear comes from the knowledge that those feelings are alive and well within me today and I feel them, full force, whenever he looks into my eyes.  It's as wonderful and terrifying as it's always been.

                       And I hope...always will be...