Do you remember this face?
This was the face of many of my young fantasies. This clean cut boy with the devil's glint in his eye. But now...
EEEEEEEWWWWWW! He looks like he's turning into an old lady. A spooky creepy one. When I heard CBS had canceled his show, I wasn't really shocked. The bad, often criminal behavior was one thing, it fit in with his character but...when his face started to deteriorate, well, no one wants to see a wealthy partying playboy who looks like crap. That's no fun at all. We don't want to see the consequences of extreme alcohol and drug abuse.
But then things changed for me.
Charlie was all over the morning show circuit. He announced that he only needed us to trust him and if we did, we would win because he's a winner. Ah! Why hadn't I realized that? It could have saved me so much time and so much trouble all these years.
But alas, my new leader helped me with this as well...his brain is "not from this terrestrial realm". He explained that he "probably took more drugs than anyone could survive" but he DID survive so...you do the math. I mean, how can you not acknowledge the "bitchin' rock star life" that is Charlie. Who else do you know of that can "make Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed armless children"? That is quite an accomplishment. He has chosen to embrace his life, "Wrap both arms around it and love it violently. And defend it violently, through violent hatred."
What a guy. Um, I mean warlock. (is the "w" suppose to be capitalized?) What with all that Tiger's Blood running through his veins, (I wonder if that's anything like Tiger's Milk. I love those energy bars.) it's no wonder he's the only one able to do the drug that is 'Charlie Sheen', not even making it available to the public: "cuz if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off (huh, refer back to the second picture on this post... just sayin') and children will weep over your exploded body."
He's certainly reached out to the masses, per his own words, "I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them!"
So, I'm sure you can see why I have chosen the Guru Sheen to lead me through life but in case you need any more convincing, in Guru Sheen's own words..."Uh, Winner!" ...'nuff said.